Lately I have been uninspired. I have hit a creativity road block. I have been stunted.
I can't explain why. I have my thoughts, but who knows if they are really true. I'm not bored, I'm just not inspired.
That's why there haven't been many posts lately.
I don't want to make up excuses. I could say that I have been working 6 day work weeks, trying to make enough money for the bills and enough money to save for the wedding. I've been trying to find a comfortable work/life balance.
Dave works mornings. When I say mornings I mean 5 am-1:30 in the afternoon. I work evenings 11-7:30 or later. We NEVER see each other. Quite frankly this makes me miserable. I want to have time to spend with my love. He is the person who inspires me and encourages me to pursue the things I love.
So I don't want to write a bad post because I need to write a post. I'd rather post once a month if it means I give you a true, honest, invested post. I want to do my research and give you something that makes you think and catches your attention. I want you to enjoy what you read.
So that's where I am. This week may prove to recoup me. I only have 40 hours. Dave and I have two whole days off together. I have a career meeting. I feel better than I have in weeks. So look out for a rock star post in the future.
It's easy to say that I don't pay attention to dates. More like actual numbers. I can tell you that it's Wednesday, because Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my days off. I can tell you it's August, because schools are starting to begin and work is starting to slow. But when it comes to dates, I always have to look at a calendar.
Sunday marked the one year anniversary of my Poppop's passing. That day will forever be ingrained in my mind. Thank the Lord you can't see me as I write this because tears are streaming. Good tears.
*WARNING: This is sad. It may hit home to those of you who have lost someone. But I need to tell this story. I need to get it out.*
Last July Dave and I were lucky enough to get some time off to spend with my family in Sea Isle City, New Jersey. I feel extremely blessed that my managers pulled every string they could to get me the time off during our busiest summer month.It was the last time I would ever see/spend time with my Pop. I knew something was up by the way my Pop was acting. Every day he would make sure he came down to the beach and play games with us. He would wade into the water up to his knees or play bocci or washers with us. He would laugh with us and make sure that we had a great time. He didn't make it look like he was trying, but we knew he was. The whole family and Dave had a great time during that vacation. Before we left Dave made the mistake of calling my Pop Mr. Keenan (he is Mr. Cassidy). We were all in stitches during that moment. When my brother was driving us to the airport I couldn't help but to silently cry, knowing that the next time I would see my grandfather would be so different.
Bernie, Joe and the Grandkids (Billy, Lauren, Kate, Alissa, and Lindsay)
Pop and my sister Alissa
Pop fighting the ocean (aka the good fight)
On August 13th 2010, my Uncle and I arrived at Philly International. My dad picked us up and we drove straight to the hospice. My Pop was unable to open his eyes or move. I held his hand and talked to him. I told him I was there, that I loved him very much. I told him that the weather in Florida was hot and disgusting (we always talked about the weather over the phone). I sat quietly expecting to see him one last time maybe the next day. I never did. After I said goodbye, I went home and got in bed knowing that I would get up early the next day to go visit him again. I remember crying before I went to bed. I had this feeling that something wasn't right, yet I felt really at peace at the same time. It was really unsettling.
I don't know what time it was. I felt like I had just closed my eyes and I was already waking up. It was time to go back to the hospice. Pop had passed.
Everyone was in this tiny room. My grandmom was holding his hand. My uncle, aunt, and two cousins and my dad, mom, brother, sister, and I were all standing at the foot of the bed. There were tears. My grandmom was combing his hair and talking to him. It was just a really odd feeling. That feeling of finally saying goodbye. We all talked to him, cracked some jokes with him, and sent our love with him to heaven. It was nothing like I imagined it would be and no one really burst into tears until we left. We all knew it was long overdue. It was his perfect time.
This was the first time I had ever lost someone so close to me. My Pop was the ONLY man (aside from my hubby, brother, and dad) I wanted to be at my wedding. I really wanted to share a dance with him. It's really hard for me not to think about him all the time. He was such and influence on my life and in the lives of my entire family. Everything reminds me of him.
Maybe I was in denial or maybe I wasn't paying attention, but it snuck up on me. August 14th, 2011. I was opening coordinator and dating the opening checklists when I stopped breathing for a second. Mid writing, I stopped and walked out into the bypass hallway and cried. I didn't sob, but I cried. It was like I ran into a brick wall. It hurt.
I made it through the day. I like to think that my Pop's love and comedic outlook on life helped me. He lived every second of every day. He made all those seconds count. His life is carved into my entire family's life. He was going to be my brother's best man at his wedding (though my brother knew that he wasn't going to make it to the wedding). He took my cousin Kate and I on many trips to the casino, he took my cousin Lindsay and my sister Alissa out to lunch. He was an amazing father to my mom and Aunt Clare. He was a stubborn Irish father-in -law to my Dad and my uncle Bob. He was a loving husband to my Grandmom. He was funny, inspiring, caring, loving, energetic, and more. He was Joe Cassidy. He knew everyone and everyone knew him. I wasn't really sure of this fact until EVERYONE showed up to his viewing and funeral. It POURED on the night of his Viewing and there was a line for two blocks the whole time of the viewing.
I would be a totally different girl if it wasn't for my grandpop. I owe so much to him. However, to honor him the most, I only have to live this life to the fullest. I have to know and care about everyone. It doesn't matter if they care about me, I just have to care about them. It makes a difference.
So Pop, since you're up there watching over us, can you give me a swift kick on days that I need it? Can you throw some sunshine on days when I'm gray? Can you send some Irish luck to help me walk in your footsteps? I love you and I miss you every day.
Here is a video of the Christmas we bought my cousins a wii and my grandmom and Pop bowling....
I recently participated in Michabella's Bloggy Bracelet Swap! It was such fun and now I have some cool new accessories! I got two lovely new bracelets. They are shown here with my morning coffee Mike mug. Very stylish!
The first one of beautiful blue beads is from the lovely Nicole over @teampipkin. Her daughter picked it out for me and I think it's perfect!
The second one is a lovely Stella and Dot bracelet from Crissa who can be found @bellabud.com. This bracelet is a from the Stella and Dot foundation and it supports positive change in women! How lucky I am to have this bracelet because I am making some positive changes myself!!
Speaking of Positive Change...
Dave and I have talked a lot this weekend and we have decided on big things! The first thing is that I have plans to go back to school. I really really really desire a MFA in theatre, however, I'm super rusty and may have to settle for a MBA instead. That's ok since I have become extremely business minded over the past year and talk of the Cafe.
The second is that we are going to start looking into buying a house. I know what you are thinking. Lauren and Dave you aren't even married yet...wait, you're not even engaged yet! Well there is good news folks. Dave is working on a promotion. Should he get it, then we have plans to be engaged within the next 6-8 months. This is something we have talked about a lot and we want to make sure all our finances are in a row before diving into anything extreme. Oh, and this does not spoil an ounce of surprise since I don't know when, where, how, or even what the ring will look like. If the promotion doesn't happen, we will still keep our plans at bay, though they may take a little longer!
Finally...Happy Friday Friends!!! I hope you all have an amazing weekend! I'll be working away until my weekend (which is Tuesday/Wednesday)! Have a safe and happy weekend!
Recently I went on vacation. I went to a lovely little place called Sea Isle City, New Jersey. It's a place my family has visited every year of my life. It's special to me. The reason why I love this little shore town so much is because it's quite. Sure it tends to get a bit busy, but it's nothing like Wildwood or Ocean City, the major beach town destinations. So on a Monday morning, while sitting on the beach reading this amazing book about how Starbucks built their company, my mind began to wander.
I asked myself: "Lauren what do you love?" My silly little self replied as follows...
I Love:
David. He is my heartbeat and constant encourager. He is my inspiration and best friend.
I Love:
Jesus. No picture needed. Jesus is awesome and my reason for being. He has big plans for me in this world and I have no clue what they are yet. I just know I am going to change the world one day, whether it be in a big or small way.
I Love:
Taking pictures and making movies. I mean I have a degree in Broadcast Production, I just don't have the monetary funds to buy my own camera, a new computer, and a new editing system to start my own business and hone my skills. Here is a video I made in the beginning of my college days. It's just a bunch of pictures set to music, but it means a lot to me because the people in it mean a lot to me. We were a bunch of theatre kids and we loved every second of it.
I Love:
The wedding and event industry. I don't know why I am so drawn to it. Perhaps it's because I love fairytales. Perhaps it's because I love how creative people can get. I'm not really sure, but I would love to work in this industry somehow.
I Love:
Food. Let me clarify. I live with a chef. He's amazing at what he does. I eat a lot of GREAT food! So I love food. I love learning about food. I love how food and coffee brings people together around a table. I love stories behind foods. Most of all, I love baking! This past year I have had the opportunity to bake some amazing irish breads and pastries for Dave's work. They were so impressed that I was asked to come in and make some for their VPs for St. Patrick's Day. I got to work in a REAL kitchen and I relished every second of it. I love making treats that make people just sink to bliss. That classic "mmmmmm" feeling.
I Love:
Life. My current life is crazy beautiful. Yes, I have a job that I love but doesn't satisfy me. I crave more. I crave excitement and adventure. I crave the great unknown. I crave a different kind of interaction with people. I am a HUGE people person. So I love interacting with them in different ways. I crave the outdoors and I love exploring the indoors. I have a hunger for life and I need to live it to the extreme. That is why I am proud to be part of the movement my friend Casie started for her beautiful sister Kellie. The Live Out Loud movement encourages us to live life to it's fullest and not just sit and accept life for less than it has to offer.
I found out what I love, now I just have to make something of it. If anyone needs to hire anyone, let me know. I may be looking for a better job. Shhhh, don't tell the Mouse though. I am craving change. Change is good.
Well it's been no shocker that I have been working 6/7 day work weeks with the opening of the new attraction. I am worn out, exhausted, and surprised that I never caught any of the bugs that went around. Big YAY!
I'm just not sure how much longer I can keep up with this routine.
A few weeks ago I found out my vacation time got approved! I basically ran around the apartment screaming and jumping up and down. I am finally going to spend some time with my family and get out of this state and lay on a beach! The only sad part is that Dave can't come with me because he didn't get this time approved. (This is typical for our work schedules)
I'm not super sad for him though. He was on vacation this past weekend and he had a blast. Not only did he visit his family, but he stopped by my house one night and had BBQ and drinks with my parents and neighbors. Can you imagine how surprised I was when this picture was texted to me:
Yup. I was surprised!
I can totally see my light at the end of the tunnel. It is only 9 short days away. It just stinks that 8 of those days are work days.
Are you guys excited for your vacation? Where are you all heading this summer?
Yesterday I had to do some yucky things. By yucky things I mean things that make most people cringe.
The first thing I had to do was get blood work done. It is probably number 2 only yucky scale (number 1 being spiders). I don't mind needles but not when they suck blood out of me. So I spent 20 minutes of my morning with my eyes closed. That includes the second my butt hit the chair until they let me leave. So, yucky.
After that I had to get two new tires on my car. That means spending money and to most people who don't make a lot of money would say that was yucky.
Needless to say, I was kinda grumpy. However, when Dave and I decided to take a nap before he went to work something changed. I jumped into bed and made a sad face. When Dave asked me what was wrong I showed him my arm where I had taken the bandaid off and said, "It's gross." Seconds later I was cracking up and laughing. At first Dave thought I was crying at first, but quickly realized I was laughing. All I kept saying was "It's gross" and then laughing. For some reason I found such joy in the fact that I was acting like a 3 year old.
Later Dave left for work and I finished my errands and decided to take the day off. I thought about how amazing it felt to laugh like I had earlier that day. Laughter is great! The best kind of laughter is the kind where you laugh until you cry.
Not only is laughter the best medicine, laughter is a great way to get good ab muscles.
Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the troubles of life that we forget how great it feels to truly laugh. Not a fake laugh, but a good hearty belly laugh.
Bernie, Joe and the Grandkids (Billy, Lauren, Kate, Alissa, and Lindsay)
Pop and my sister Alissa
Pop fighting the ocean (aka the good fight)
(image from 
